Being transgender means that your sex does not align with your gender. So you can be assigned female at birth (sex) but how you feel about yourself whether it be masculine/feminine/neither (gender) does not match. Some say it's like being born in the wrong body. Like having a male brain but female body or vice versa.
Transgender also encompasses identities such as genderqueer/bi-gender/genderless etc. Which means that some people just don't identify as either male or female so remain, some could say, as androgynous.
Some people medically transition to align their body with their mind.
Being a trans boy means that I was born with a female body but I do not feel female and have never felt female. It means that although I was brought up and socialised as female, I do not wish to live as female therefore I am medically transitioning to become and be recognised as male, using Testosterone (hormones) and at some point I will have Top surgery so that I will have a male chest.
When did you first realise that this was your path in life?
It probably wasn't until I was about 19 that I realised for definite that this is what I wanted to do but I had always had feelings of not being quite right through childhood and teen years. Puberty was a key trigger as things were happening that I hated and didn't understand because I figured I was male.
How did you know it was not ‘just a phase’?
I think you know it's not a phase when you have crippling dysphoria every day and you want to rip your own skin off to escape your body. I spent a lot of time looking at trans men on Youtube and joined a few forums to talk to other people and found that I was jealous of them and their transition. I also spent a lot of time questioning myself and had other people question me which I think is healthy. It was kinda after doing a lot of research on it and thinking about my childhood that it all made sense and I realised it was not a phase.
How did you personally deal with this? Were you confused? Scared?
I was completely terrifed with dealing with it. It's scary not knowing where to go with it. I felt like I would never be accepted as male. I'd have to come out to all of my friends. Would I lose people? Would people not believe me? I sought counselling with a group in Brighton and just kept talking to other trans people and it really reassured me.
Did you ever try to hide it because you were scared etc?
I think I repressed it from myself for quite some time. I hid it from a lot of people. My parents in particular. They were the last to find out.
Did you have to fight against any prejudice? What was the worst example of this?
I am consistently fighting against prejudice. Probably more so now because I have started hormones. I can't really pin point an example but I have had many arguments with people regarding my gender. They tell me I'm too feminine to be female, I don't look male enough etc etc. It's horrible and it knocks me a lot. I have not been beaten up as yet *touch wood* but I do fear it. People just assume I am a butch lesbian. It's difficult living in Brighton because there are so many butch women that even if you identify as male you are still classified as female. I constantly have to reaffirm my identity to others. Something which I shouldn't have to do.
How have your family dealt with this? Has it been difficult to gain their support? If so, why do you think this is?
The majority of my close family don't talk to me. I have no contact with my Grandma or parents, which I thought might happen. They are stubborn and don't like anything they don't understand or which isnt in a box. I have tried to explain over and over again but there is only so much I can do so I have given up.
They are upset because they have effectively lost their daughter but in my mind I was never their daughter... I was their son.
How have your friends dealt with this? Was their support easier to gain than your families?
My friends have been fantastic. They don't really care what I do as long as I'm happy and I'm sure. A few of them don't really understand it but they don't specifically need to... They just need to accept. It has taken some time and a lot of talking and explaining but most of them have been great.. It's slightly easier to gain acceptance LGBT people that straight and cis people. The only difficulty I have is making sure people use the correct pronouns and name. It is difficult for people who have known me for a long time to get their head around, but it just takes a lot of persistence on my part.
Where has your best support come from?
My best support has probably come from a few of closest friends and from an online support forum called the Queer Youth Network.
Was your decision to study at Brighton a conscious one because of the accepting nature of the city compared to other places?
I don't think I consciously chose Brighton. It was actually by chance that I ended up here as I got here through clearly but it is definitely a good city to live in if you are a little 'different' because Brighton has such a diverse culture. It is very accepting here and generally I feel safe but there are always going to be the odd people who are transphobic and/or homophobic so even though Brighton is great... It isn't free from prejudice.
Was it difficult to be able to begin treatment? Or is it available to anybody?Gaining medical treatment can be complex. If you choose to go down the NHS route it can be very long with many hoops to jump through. It can also be difficult because of age. If you are under 18 you are first referred to camhs for counselling before being referred to a gender identity clinic (GIC). GIC appointments have a 6 month waiting list. You then have several other appointments and counselling before hormones are considered. There are a lot of requirements with the NHS. You need to have had about 3 months worth of counselling and be living full time for 3 months (I think- might need to check). They also give you a psych evaluation before you are referred to the GIC.
If you go privately, the wait is short but costs a lot. I decided to go private because I knew that I wouldnt be able to wait another 2 years for hormones. You have to of had of had 3 months counselling and/or be living full time and have changed your name legally. It costs £230 for first appointment (Dr Curtis) and £120 for any appointments after that.
Treatment is available but like I said, there are hoops to go through.
Can you explain to us how progressed your treatment is?
I am 5 months and one week on Testosterone so I have had a fair amount of changes. My voice has broken, shoulders have go broader, I have more muscle, my face has changed slightly, my chest has shrunk and I am a hairy motherfucker :P
What is the next step for your treatment? How long do you expect the treatment to go on?
The next step for me is to have Top Surgery hopefully within the next year or so. But I have a long wait because I have to go through the NHS for this which is a very long process. I will be taking Testosterone for the rest of my life.
Do you have any regrets?
The only regret I have is I should of told my parents sooner and possibly in a different way. But it felt right at the time. I don't regret my transition at all.
Do you have any advice for people who might think they are in the same position as you?
I advise them to check out the Queer Youth Network. Speak to people they trust. Check out and youth groups that they could attend. Do some internet research. Look at videos on Youtube and possibly seek counselling if they feel they are that sure. But be careful of counselling as some of them have no knowledge at all.
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